stillness + fire

As an introvert, I’m prone to sitting back and watching things happen. I have a gear I can switch into when I need to go out and get something done. This is how I got co-op jobs, how I got into grad school, how I go traveling. But I sit and watch many of my decisions made by default, and it makes me wonder – is this the best I could be doing right here, right now? It’s the human condition to wait impatiently for the next big, exciting thing to transform your life; for me, it’s travel that I’m awaiting. But I need to strike a balance in the meantime, finding things I love where I am now. In making the most of a situation, I feel like we run the risk of complacency to an extent; so as much as it’s important to find the good right here, it’s also essential to be taking steps in the direction that we want to go.

Holding equally the present in one hand and the future in the other is damn hard; the weight of our future is so substantial, and I feel like their natural state is imbalance. The scales are tipped against us in our pursuit of presence. Mindfulness, meditation, journaling, gratitude, yoga – these are all practices we engage in with the interest of staying in the present moment, however fleetingly. This is stillness, and it keeps us grounded. This blog is a space for me to take my yoga practice off the mat. It’s a place where I can write, which I’ve always loved. It’s a way for me to be introspective and contemplative, and to learn to be comfortable sharing and expressing my thoughts.

And then there’s fire. I can’t tell you how badly I want to be exploring right now, rather than stuck in this part of the world for the 23rd year in a row. I'm angry that we don't have sex ed in this country. I can’t tell you how much it hurts me when people tell me they're scared to travel because the world is dangerous. I’m not sure I have words to express how unfair it is that women's health issues don't get the attention they deserve. I can’t express how much languages draw me in, how much I want to share what yoga has done in my life, how big I feel the world is.

There is stillness, and there is fire. Both are vital.

This blog is a place of reflection. But it’s also a place for me to explore what lights me up. What is it that I have left unexplored? What is it that I don’t have any other platform to dig into? And what about things that I haven’t even thought about yet, but I’m following my curiosity and I’m sure there’s more to come? And with that exploration, action! I’d like to move to South America, so I’m learning Spanish. I’d like to graduate from this degree, so I’m writing an ethics application. I’d like to explore my creative side, so I’m building a website and writing a blog. Considering interesting ideas is not enough.

My yoga journey started at a soul-crushing data entry co-op job. Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love was sitting in my office on my first day, and I had an hour-long lunch break so I started reading. Before long, I was into all kinds of podcasts, in desperate need of stimulation while I entered contact information into a spreadsheet for eight hours at a time. I learned about health and wellness and meditation and yoga and spirituality, and soon I was practicing yoga, and then eventually I was in India becoming a yoga teacher. I think I have Liz to thank for that (and I like to think that because she changed my life, we're on a nickname basis). Her most recent book, Big Magic, was 1) amazing, and a big source of inspiration start writing this blog, and 2) accompanied by a podcast, which led me to Rob Bell. He has since become my favourite source of inspiration and positivity and wonder. This past year has been dedicated heavily to self-exploration and taking my yoga practice beyond my mat, and the Robcast has been a big part of that. His episodes end beautifully: “grace and peace.” He explains that everything should be a balance of those two elements. Grace is when you sit back in gratitude, receiving your blessings and knowing you didn’t do anything to deserve them; peace is the active pursuit of justice. It’s passionate and it's difficult. There is a time to sit back and receive. And there is a time to go out and act. Grace and peace. Stillness and fire.

And this space feels like a beautiful balance of the two. Yin and yang. Actively appreciating my life in its current state, and actively pursuing the future that I dream of.

Namaste